Singing Aladdin on the treadmill does NOT make friends....

Tonight after my consultation for Gastric Bypass Surgery and decision, instead, to go through an extreme (nonsurgical) weight loss program, I decided to jump out from the fridge I was trying to stay wedged in.  So what did I do?  I wrote a very public message on Facebook and started an even more public blog about my weigh loss journey!  Now, hopefully this isn't an awkward blog that I delete in a couple months while holding a bowl of ice cream, eating my feelings, and shamefully sabotaging myself.  But here's to hoping that I can find the strength to create a better healthier me!  I've been trying to hide that I'm fat for many years.  For instance, when I go out to eat with a skinny friend, order a salad, and only eat half of my burger and fries so that my friend thinks "wow, Laurel's so skinny.  I feel ashamed that I'm eating more than her".  By the time I've been home for an hour, I've eaten the rest of the burger and fries and am looking in the fridge for a snack.  I have been avoiding doing something about my weight because there is "always worse than me," but when my doctor told me that I qualified for Gastric Bypass surgery, I knew I had to do something.  I grew up in a low income family where eating soothed how we felt (or so we thought) and it was cheaper to buy bulk processed foods than buy good food to feed the family.  I did not have the luxury of entering sports until I was a teenager, but by that time, my distaste for exercise and sports had been fully rooted in my brain.  Working out makes me terrified that I look stupid on machines and that EVERYONE is staring at the huge wedgie I have or watching me sing along with Disney songs.  So, maybe I shouldn't sing out loud to a Whole New World, but dammit I want to see unbelievable sights and have indescribable feelings.  Maybe they'd like it if I didn't have to skip verses, because my fat ass was out of breath on the treadmill....walking (Note: I don't ACTUALLY do this, but as soon as this song comes on, I have to stop myself from singing).  Luckily, I'm pretty healthy for my weight, but my family history gives me hints of what lies ahead if I don't change my ways (including diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and heart problems).  So I'm making a blog, because maybe I can share my journey with the world and hold myself accountable.  I hope to keep up with this and maybe when I'm hungry at night for a snack, I'll just write a post instead.  :) Wish me luck!